*Disclaimer: These lists are typically conceived whilst having an evening adult beverage or two. They're flawed. I reserve the right to change my mind and alter my rankings at any point in the future for any reason whatsoever. That being said, please send your grievances to email@example.com, thnx.*
9. Legolas (Prince of Mirkwood)
There's got to be a time and a place for Legolas to let his hair down (plz forgive the bad pun), but I'm having a hard time imagining it. His rigid disposition and his exceedingly wry sense of humor don't lend well to loose bar banter. He just doesn't seem like a great hang, much less a good drinking partner.
8. Frodo Baggins (Ring-bearer)
You know those memes that circulate on Facebook that say something like, "Choose 3 friends to help you finish these in an hour," and then there's a picture of like 30 shots of tequila lined up on a bar? I can tell you without pause that Frodo would definitely not be one of the three friends I'd choose. Case in point: Frodo is definitely a lightweight.
7. Aragorn (High King of Gondor)
First off, Aragorn would absolutely help me finish those tequila shots, I have no doubts there. And if he's not too busy extending his bloodline with Arwen at the Minas Tirith royal suite, I'm sure he'd be down to crush a few wine coolers now and then. But as the King of Men, he's got shit to do and places to be... so him frequenting happy hours seems pretty unlikely.
6. Samwise Gamgee (Hobbit of the Shire)
Maybe a controversial placement, but I'm a little dubious of Sam and his social-drinking potential. I've got some notes on my scouting report:
- I know he works for Frodo, but seriously, can we drop the formal "mister"?
- Disinterested in shooting the shit because he's eyeing up the bartender
- Probably would call it a night early so he could grab a late night snack
Counterpoint: the best thing going for Sam is that he'd probably carry you home if it came to that.
5. Boromir (Captain of the White Tower)
A man whose hometown pride is only outweighed by his tireless commitment to a job well done. It's a damn shame Boromir didn't live to see more peaceful times- other than Gandalf, I think he's the most likely Fellowship member to visit the Shire 'just because' and drink at the Green Dragon Inn with locals.
4. Gandalf the Grey (Olórin)
There is written proof that Gandalf liked to turn up, so this placement is well earned. Give him a few ales and he's a proven pyromaniac (arsonist?), not to mention he loves a good post-drink smoke. My hunch is he was a tiny bit lonely given that he was older than the natural world... but I think he can make friends quickly and burn the candle at both ends if need be. And as a storyteller, he would be in a league of his own.
3. Pippin (Peregrin Took)
Despite coming in third here, Pippin might have the highest drinking buddy ceiling of the group. He's a true wild card, an unhinged X-factor. And sure, sometimes he fails to read the room or goes off script entirely. But even still, his intangibles are off the charts, and he'll surely deliver some rip roaring energy. Did I mention he is the songbird of his generation?
2. Gimli (Son of Glóin)
On paper, Gimli is the all-around safest pick. His blue-collar, workman's mentality is a spiritual match to that of an ideal drinking companion. Dwarves are gracious hosts, so I expect that Gimli has a well-stocked fridge. I'm also betting that he is not one to go home before last call. His animated mannerisms and bolstering laugh will reverberate off those around him. You can't go wrong.
1. Merry (Meriadoc Brandybuck)
The ultimate wingman, a reliable backup, and a true optimist. Cheers to you, Merry.