Star Wars, Ranked - Part 1
Revenge of the Sixth
Every year when May 4th comes around, I can't help but get excited by the opportunity to revisit the Star Wars universe, whether that means running through a few of the movies or just bumping to the undisputed GOAT John Williams' minted soundtrack from across the entire franchise. Since we're just a few weeks out until The Mandalorian and Grogu comes out in theaters, which is in fact the first Star Wars film to be released in theaters after a seven-year hiatus (time do be flying like that), now feels like the perfect time to publish a ranking that I've been preparing my entire life for.
To celebrate May the Fourth, Revenge of the Sixth and whatever other horrible May-related pun I can come up with in the coming days, please enjoy Part 1 of my Star Wars movie ranking. Check back for Parts 2 & 3 sooner than later. Until next time, be well and stay cooler than carbonite.
Disclaimer These lists are typically conceived whilst having an adult beverage or two. They're flawed, and incomplete (sorry, I haven't watched Andor yet... I reserve the right to change my mind and alter my rankings at any point in the future for any reason whatsoever. That being said, please send your grievances to film.froth@gmail.com.
11. Star Wars: Episode IX—The Rise of Skywalker
The surviving Resistance faces the First Order once again as the journey of Rey, Finn and Poe Dameron continues. With the power and knowledge of generations behind them, the final battle begins.
Spineless, gutless, and maybe even soulless, The Rise of Skywalker is an affront on every level and rightly resides at the bottom of this list, all by itself. Sure, several other Star Wars movies have missed their marks over the years (we'll get to those), but none so much as this one. Incohesive and indigestible, the film looks and feels patched together – probably because it is. In the outrage wake of The Last Jedi (more on that shortly), the final film of the Sequel Trilogy went through development and pre-production hell, which resulted in Disney bringing back J.J. Abrams to sit in the director's chair. The drastic corporate course correction led to any and all interesting thematic edges and subversive choices from the previous installment were sanded down in order to appease Disney's greedy sharedholders, as well as their legion of toxic and butthurt, mouth-breathing fanboys.
Chock-full of contrived narrative retcons and nauseating fan service, The Rise of Skywalker is clunky, frustrating, and even a tad pathetic, in that order. Clunky, because its a piecemeal production is an expensive piece of sheepish slop made for sloppy sheep rather than even mildly discerning Star Wars fans. Frustrating, because despite there being a bunch of talented people involved both behind and in front of the camera, the end-result is the single biggest disappointment in the franchise's already checkered history. And pathetic, because priority was shamelessly given to Disney's bottom line in exchange for a billion dollars at the expense of any shred of creative credibility or originality. "Somehow, Palpatine returned." Give me a fucking break, and my money back while you're at it. And thanks Kathleen Kennedy for making me sound like a frothing, rabid wookie who is still pissed off about this embarrassment of a movie nearly seven years later. For the record, I am.
10. Star Wars: Episode II — Attack of the Clones
Following an assassination attempt on Senator Padmé Amidala, Jedi Knights Anakin Skywalker and Obi-Wan Kenobi investigate a mysterious plot into the heart of the Separatist movement and the beginning of the Clone Wars.
Whoa, Nelly! Sorry to spike back there, I may have let the hate flow through me a bit too much back there. I'll take it down a notch...but can you really blame me? How could Star Wars movie come out and manage to let me down more than the second movie from the Prequel Trilogy did? Attack of the Clones held the title of "Worst Star Wars Movie" for the better part of the last two decades, but that is no longer the case. Rest assured, I will not be ranting and raving about Episode II the way I did about The Rise of Skywalker (which I promise to stop mentioning starting now) – frankly, Attack of the Clones has little in common with the aforementioned debacle, because it certainly has a lot of creative spirit and even some fresh ideas. Back in my day, the Prequel Trilogy was knocked for being underbaked, with the films' faults so glaringly obvious in stark contrast to the impossible standards set by the Original Trilogy.
Today, I'd argue that despite my softening opinion, the harsh criticism and piling on of Attack of the Clones was a bit overheated, if not downright excessive. Maybe I'm just getting old – nostalgic retrospection can be a real stool softener. Unfortuntately, Episode II was completely mismanaged and not remotely distilled into something purely enjoyable to watch, a core tenet that is essential to any great Star Wars movie. Maybe that's because the film is clearly written and directed by one man and one man only the wholly inimitable and somehow unextinguishable, George Lucas. Unlike the Sequels, the Prequels do not have a "too many cooks in the kitchen" problem, and in fact, might have benefited from an additional sous-chef or two. Lucas having complete control over the story is why Attack of the Clones is corny, cringey, and overwrought, in both the best and worst ways, I'll add. What used to feely kitschy now feels a little more like camp, and what used to seem overly grand and a bit jumbled now feels, surprisingly, kind of cinematic. For all its shortcomings, Attack of the Clones may still be due for a full-on reclamation at some point – though today is not yet that day.
9. Solo: A Star Wars Story
Through a series of daring escapades deep within a dark and dangerous criminal underworld, Han Solo meets his might future copilot Chewbacca and encounters the notorious gambler Lando Calrissian.
One of only two non-Skywalker Saga films in the Star Wars movie cannon, Solo: A Star Wars Story was a high-floor / low-ceiling idea, a standalone Han Solo origin story (what's not to like?) that probably sounded better on paper than it turned out to be (it was big box-office flop). Full disclosure – I haven't revisited this since it came out, so maybe my relationship to and memory of the film is trapped in the past. Conceived for the screen by Star Wars MVP Lawrence Kasdan, the script for the film was actually written by his son, Jake Kasdan, since his pops was busy helping out as a creative consultant on The Force Awakens. Originally tapped to direct was Phil Lord & Christopher Miller, the prolific duo most whose most recent directorial feature, Project Hail Mary, grossed north of $600 million at the box office. However, due to creative differences with Lucasfilm during filming, Lord & Miller were ousted (along with editor Chris Dickens), and director Ron Howard and editor Pietro Scalia were brought in to finish. After Howard took over midway through production, he was in charge of reshooting some 70% of the film.
Why go into all these details? Based on what we got, I am even more curious today to know what this film would've been like with Lord & Miller at the helm. Word on the street is there was too much improvising going on, and Howard was brought in as a reliable, seasoned veteran – which if you're asking me, is the film's biggest shortcoming! Over the years, I've found myself in defensive mode of some of Howard's late-career output. He is a no-frills, steady-skills filmmaker that raises the floor but maybe lowers the ceiling of the films he's working on (which is exactly what this studio wanted for this project). The cast is absolutely stacked, and I will not hear slander that Alden Ehrenreich is the film's biggest shortcoming. He does the best with what he is given to work with, and I think his performance is a bit underrated (imagine trying to fill in THOSE massive shoes). Despite its woes, Solo moves well scene-to-scene and doesn't over-extend its reach beyond its grasp. I'm sure I'll give this another watch someday, and while I'm guessing time will soften the disappointment, it's still hard to imagine what could have been.
8. Star Wars: Episode I — The Phantom Menace
Anakin Skywalker, a young slave strong with the Force, is discovered on Tatooine. Meanwhile, the evil Sith have returned, enacting their plot for revenge against the Jedi.
Here's the first hill I'm even thinking about dying on. Let me start by saying this: when The Phantom Menace first premiered in the spring of 1999, I was at the naïve and highly impressionable age of six years old. At that time, my history and exposure to the Star Wars universe was brief, having only just seen the OG trilogy in the lead-up to the release of Episode I. Of course, I hopped on the bandwagon without even a sliver of hesitation, and the rest is history. While my love for Star Wars is not rooted in The Phantom Menace, it may very well be grounded in it. The enduring power of this story and series is how it makes you feel like you're a kid, and few things are more potent and powerful in American pop culture and entertainment than your first exposure to Star Wars, especially when that happens at such a formative age. Putting my bias and nostalgia aside, The Phantom Menace was reviled upon its release and despite the 25+ years it has had to hang around and wait around for a reclamation, it may just be too far gone and past saving.
Don't get me wrong, the movie is a hot and sloppy mess. The story is clunky, the writing is at times diabolically bad, the acting is hapless, and perhaps most of all, it manages to feel and seem like a Star Wars movie without directly imitating one. At a bare minimum, I feel compelled to tip my hat to how expansive the world-building is and the depth of the storytelling thematics are in the Prequel Trilogy, which starts here. In terms of his ambition, you gotta hand it to Lucas for his boldness, hell even recklessness. His vision and boundless creativity set the bar incredibly high, so high that few Star Wars films released since have dared to try and clear. Unlike the other prequels, The Phantom Menace has the luxury to operate without the audience seeing all the pieces on the chessboard slowly falling into place. There's plenty of low lows (it's hard to reconcile Jar Jar Binks and the extensive trade negotiations); but there's plenty of high highs that hooked me back then and still get me excited today (here's to still riding for the podracing and Duel of the Fates). To this day, it's still hard to defend the bad in The Phantom Menace, but it has become easier to embrace some of what we all once rejected.
