7 Reasons Why You Should Worry, Darling

Don't Worry Darling [2022]

Buckle up everybody.

I finally got to plaster my gaze on the divisive, and PR-campaign from hell inspiring Don't Worry Darling, and good lord I have thoughts. But let me set the stage for a minute... Don't Worry Darling is the sophomore directorial effort by Olivia Wilde who has long been a great actress and was the writer/director of the 2019 hit Booksmart. Wilde's entrance onto the directing scene was a hilarious coming-of-age film made with a modern spin that effectively meshed the tone, style, and plot. When it was announced that her second film would be a utopian thriller with a cast of Florence Pugh, Chris Pine, Gemma Chan, and at the time Shia LaBeouf, there was massive amounts of interest from the public and especially movie studios. However, shortly after the announcement things started to derail as it was declared that LaBeouf was fired and replaced with Harry Styles. Then of course you had LaBeouf refuting that he was fired, the movie then enters a wild cycle of PR nightmares with reports of problems on set, the classic spitgate fiasco, and the general sentiment that the movie was terrible.

So how did this all go so horribly wrong?

Well allow me to introduce the 7 reasons why you should worry, darling.

Of course, spoilers aplenty, but hey the movie stinks so its really up to you whether you watch before reading!

The 7 Reasons You Should Worry Darling

7. All of the stuff I just mentioned

Starting out strong right at the top I'll just reiterate part of why this movie is such a mess, is because of all the shit that happened before it was even out! How can you possibly enjoy a movie when the news cycle is smashing reports of just wild events in your face about it?? One day it's about Wilde skirting her directing duties, another day it's all about how Styles may or may not have spit on Chris Pine, it's just too much to even have an optimistic view going into the film.

6. The Duality of Venice

Adding to the anticipation before a widespread public release, Don't Worry Darling debuted at the Venice Film Festival to great response. In fact, the film and cast in attendance received a magnanimous 5 minute standing ovation! Now what exactly does that mean? Nothing really, just kind of crazy thinking that going into this film I'm going to see something that people stood up and clapped for 5 consecutive minutes after seeing it. I clapped when it was over, but that's because I was happy it was over. Maybe that's what they thought in Venice??

Don't Worry Darling [2022]

5. The "Big" Twist

The big twist of the film is that everything in Victory is actually a giant simulation. But as opposed to mainstream simulation gags like The Matrix films or even something like Free Guy (videogames count), Don't Worry Darling does it in a horribly written way. The film is full of weird visuals and things going haywire for Alice (Pugh) and then all of a sudden, she falls in the kitchen and she knows everything going on?? There's no real build up to this point in terms of Alice's discoveries and the audience learns of the simulation at the same time as Alice, therefore there's no anticipation or disparity of knowledge. What it results in is a feeling of having the rug pulled out from underneath you and gasping at the fact that you spent the last oh I don't know hour and 45 minutes watching this unfold.

4. Shelley Killing Frank

Close after the big twist, Shelley (Chan) betrays Frank (Pine) and sinks a rather large knife into his stomach giving us a second big twist. The big problem with this one is... pretty much the same as the other, it makes no damn sense. This is one of those plot points that sort of just happens with no forewarning, no build up, no execution, leaving us questioning just about everything. As far as the audience is concerned Shelley is either unaware of being in a simulation and perfectly content in this fake life, or she is aware and choosing to be beside Frank in this utopian kingdom. Nowhere in the film is there any sort of indication of discontent or betrayal coming from Shelley. Therefore as opposed to this being a huge moment of rebellion or a thrilling reveal, it just sorta comes and goes and leaves more hollow feelings of uneventfulness.

3. Ending With An Outrageous Emotional Montage

So, to recap up to this point, Don't Worry Darling is centered around the idea that Jack (Styles) is actually this super lame guy in the real world. He's kind of an incel and spends his days listening to incel radio talkshows, growing increasingly angry that his successful girlfriend Alice (Pugh) is busy all day, you know, working. In order to solve this displeasure with his life, thinking Alice is the one who is actually miserable, Jack signs up for the Victory project and forces Alice into the simulation. They then go on for however long living a vivacious life in a fake utopian world that Alice never consented to. She is a prisoner in this false reality where Jack is this big hero and gets to believe he's doing a massive service for Alice, taking her entire existence away. Imagine my displeasure when Jack gets his block knocked off by Alice and as she's almost escaped there's this long emotional montage of her relationship with Jack in Victory. Superimposed over heart tugging instrumentals I'm supposed to believe that Alice, finding out she's been a vegetable in the real world for however long against her will, is conflicted about getting out of the simulation?? Somehow someway the writing doubles down on its self-inflated worth and finds a way to get worse.

Don't Worry Darling [2022]

2. Florence Pugh Acting Circles Around Harry Styles

By far the most obvious point, but it needs to be said regardless. Having a film with a romantic duo of Florence Pugh and Harry Styles sounds great on paper, but on screen it looks atrocious. Pugh is world class, I mean Academy Award nominated for Little Women and certainly snubbed for her role in Midsommar she has firmly set herself as one of the best young working actresses today. Watching her be tremendous as always, next to Harry Styles who to put it lightly, is not tremendous, is tough to watch and laughable at times.

1. Speaking of Harry, Here's 30 People That Could've Played Jack Instead

In no particular order

1. Toheeb Jimoh
2. Joe Keery
3. Zac Efron
4. Will Poulter
5. Taron Edgerton
6. Jeremy Allen White
7. Harry Melling
8. Barry Keoghan
9. Nicholas Braun
10. Finn Wittrock
11. Alden Ehrenreich
12. Liam Hemsworth
13. Kit Harrington
14. John Boyega
15. Tye Sheridan
16. Austin Butler
17. George Mackay
18. Yahya Abdul-Mateen II
19. Josh O'Connor
20. Anthony Ramos
21. Joe Alwyn
22. Paul Mescal
23. Glen Powell
24. Lakeith Stanfield
25. Bill Skarsgård
26. Simu Liu
27. Stephen James
28. Nicholas Hoult
29. Dev Patel
30. Mike Faist

For the record, I'm glad Mike Faist was spared from the hellscape that was this press tour. And this list is admittedly a clusterfuck -- but then again, so was this movie. Live long and prosper, Chris Pine.